Try these 4 simple tips to “ease into” getting better at feedback!
We all need to get better at feedback, whether it’s doing performance reviews at work or communicating with our family at home. But that’s not always easy when we didn’t grow up learning how to do it well. So rather than expect ourselves to be experts overnight, here are four ways we can ease into the learning process, and get more comfortable with feedback.
First, try asking for feedback rather than waiting for people to give it to you. There’s something about initiating, that takes us off the defensive and seems to open us up to taking in the feedback better. This may sound obvious, but we do it far less often than we think.
- Second, give options when you ask for feedback. When we’re too generic about our request (like, “What did you think about my presentation today?”), it can be harder for people to know what to say and how. But if we say, “Do you think my presentation today was a little too long or a little too short?” we’re much more likely to get a helpful response.
- Third, start out with less intense topics and people. We don’t have to start with talking about our biggest unresolved problems, with the most difficult people in our lives! Instead, we can begin asking for feedback from, and delivering feedback to, friends or colleagues with whom we have a lot of history and trust. We can practice with people who are more diplomatic and tactful. And when we do, try to start out with less intense topics like the length of our work presentation, or the book or movie recommendation we were given. We will eventually move on to more challenging topics and people, but it’s wise to build our skills and comfort level first before diving into the deep end.
- Fourth, tell people openly: “One of my personal goals this year is to get better at delivering and receiving feedback. Can you check in with me about this?” There’s a lot of respect for people who are willing to work on themselves. And you never know, some may join in and say, “hey, I need to get better at that, too!” And that may open the door to fun possibilities, like reading a book on feedback together.
Now, you’ll notice that all four of these steps are really about making feedback a more normal and regular part of our lives. That’s because when feedback is only rarely given or received, that often makes it more awkward and intense, because people just aren’t as used to it, and so they might get more amped up, defensive, or overthink it. But if we make feedback just another part of our lives, it doesn’t have to feel as threatening.
I write more about this, and walk through the step-by-steps of how to deliver and receive feedback effectively in The Art of Growing Through Feedback (now available in ebook and paperback!)—which is designed to have short, readable and practical chapters with discussion questions to spark good conversations. I’m excited to share it with you, and if you ever need a speaker or facilitator on these topics, I’m here!
Thank you for reading this article! My name is Adrian Pei, and I’m the CEO of The Change Navigation Company, where we provide customized leadership training for organizations and leaders. You can download a free pdf of this article by clicking on the icon below, which also contains a discount offer for our services. I hope we get a chance to connect soon!
